Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

Soma anyone?

2006-12-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

Ch Ch Changes

2006-11-29T20:02:00.000-08:00

I quit my job
I booked a ticket to thailand and vietnam
I plan on doing this and this and this and then some

Queeeeenslanderrrrrrr

2006-11-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

How good is this bloke? He'd have to be one of the best players of all time!

A quick summary of his achievements this year alone:

1) Captains Brisbane Broncos to NRL Grand Final.
2) Captains Maroons to state of origin victory.
3) Captains Australia (but mostly a qld team) to a tri-nations victory over NZ's ALL Blacks.

This Shit Rocks Its Ass Offffffff

2006-11-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in 'is bed [...but not in his debt]
Here's what you gotta do -Pick up the phone
I'm always home
Call me any time
Just ring36 24 36 hey [36 24 36 8]
I lead a life of crime

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart(She's) He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start - fella
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts -Pick up the phone
Leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a feeI'm happy to be
Your back door man

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
Done Dirt Cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done Dirt Cheap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSBEq52sQ5g

Having a bad day?

2006-11-21T14:39:00.001-08:00

Whats worse than a monkey on your back?

2006-11-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

CAIRO, Egypt - An Egyptian baby born with two heads was in stable condition on Sunday after doctors at a provincial hospital removed one of the heads in a 13-hour operation, the doctors said.
Nasif Hifnawy, head of pediatrics at Benha Children’s Hospital, told Reuters that 10-month-old Manar Maged could move all four limbs and showed no signs of paralysis.
“Manar is now breathing normally and has a normal heartbeat and blood pressure,” he added. The baby remains in intensive care at the hospital, 25 miles north of Cairo, and doctors expect her to stay there for at least seven days.

Now apparently this conjoint twin (I always think of southpark) could blink etc but if they didnt give it the flick it would stress the heart out on the whole baby. Now that is some seriously weird shit. Like having a voice in your head but a head on your head instead I guess....

Dick Stickers

2006-11-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

From some news.com........

Australian underwear company aussieBum has released its Patriot range of undies for men wanting to make their package look bigger.

"It basically lifts, separates and extends," said aussieBum founder Sean Ashby.

"This design uses all of the natural assets of the person, whether they be big, small or indifferent."

The underwear features a 'wondercup', a pouch used to "separate and stop squashing".
The range was launched last week and already the company has sold more than 50,000 pairs in Australia and overseas.

AussieBum is manufactured in Australia with the business run completely out of the company's headquarters in the inner-west Sydney suburb of Leichhardt.

It had to happen eventually, women have been lying about whats underneath for years. I'm sure they call it the 'wonderbra' cos you wonder what happened to them when they take it off. I'm just so proud to live in the suburb they are manufactured...........

Ode to Lycra

2006-10-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

Lycra, lets face it - it seems to be everywhere these days. It appears that its meteoric rise in modern society has outpaced perhaps the pragmatic need to regulate its use......after all it can be quite a dangerous little commodity in the wrong hands. We've all seen it and been witnesses to the aesthetic abuse this material can inflict.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go so far as to legislate, over regulate or even ban the use of lycra through our legal system. Clearly that would be going to far, however I do think that manufacturers, retailers and end users of this product owe us a duty of care to use it in a manner that does not adversely affect others' quality of life.....

In order to satisfy the requirements of all stakeholders, whilst protecting ones rights to use this material in a safe and practical manner, we at STIYPASI would like your assistance in the drafting of an industry code of conduct for the safe and socially responsible use of lycra. I have had a stab at a few preliminary clauses:

Where possible lycra shall be worn with shorts over the top.
Lycra is not suitable work attire, EVER.
Manufacturing of lycra in larger sizes shall be banned.
Fines shall apply to all caught wearing lycra, without shorts over the top, found further than 2m from a bicycle.
Multi coloured lycra will only be available for professional sporting events.
Cafes will now introduce a lycra ban to stop those sweaty fat fucks that like to sit on Norton Street on saturday morning after a ride.....yes this is personal bitches, i cant digest my food because you make me sick.

You assistance in drafting this code will be greatly appreciated - STIYPASI management.

Mushroom loves YOU!

2006-10-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

2006-10-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Just thought i'd share something really special with you people....

I love nothing more than to go for a run after work, in fact i love flogging myself running. Nothing feels better than to get home afterwards and bring the mind down the same flogged level. I know i am a sick sado-maso weirdo, but hey - whatever floats your boat right?

Anyway, the downside to all this running is that certain bits of the body rub together and cause a nasty little bit of chafe......aka saddle rash or 'john wayne' (howdy partner).

In this day and age, i decided that chemists must surely have something to help me with my predicament. So after some hesitation I finally plucked up the courage to visit the chemist over the road from work.

I was hoping no one that i knew would be in there, unfortunately the place was filled with familiar faces of those people you see around work and really only ever say 'Hi" to. After what seemed like an eternity, my place came at the counter. Sheepishly and quietly i explained my predicament to the pharmacist, hoping he would realise that discretion would be appreciated. This was not to be, and he bellowed the fatal "i've got just the thing for your nasty rash" at the top of his lungs and proceeded to the vaseline section. Then proudly he held aloft, for all to see, a giant jar of oozing and lovely petroleum jelly. By now all eyes were curiously on him and myself.

Just when I thougt it couldnt get any worse, with a full audience, he proceeded to demonstrate how to apply said vaseline to between ones legs.

So, if you saw a bloke shame facedly buying vaseline from the chemist the other day.....YES I LIKE TO PURCHASE VASELINE TO APPLY BETWEEN MY LEGS TO RELIEVE AN AFFLICTION RELATED TO SOMETHING I ENJOY.

That is all, you may snicker behind my back............

2006-10-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

Location: Dodgy lane in Leichhardt near the house of shroom.
Time: Some time before midnight last night.
Item: Big ass empty nutella jar with spoon still inside.
Other features: Assorted rubbish including empty bug spray can and general dirt/weeds.

Now seriously, the spoon must be in there cos some beast ate through the whole jar and left it where they dined. Note, its a big ass jar. I walk down this lane a fair bit, should i be concerned?

No Flies on Mushroom

2006-10-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

You leave the house......well and truly stoned, slightly psychadelic. The weather outside is wonderful, nature is nice and you feel nice. Peter Tosh comes on the ipod and you feel an overwhelming sense that everything is alright. You start to strut, entering the local shopping centre....a tad bright a first you resist the urge for sun glasses. Nervous at first you remind yourself that no one else knows you are ripped, except probably the smoked out neighbours. People smile at you, really smile......i must be oozing charm tonight. Even the lady at the checkout is ultra friendly......it is shortly after this that you realise.......your fucking fly has been undone the whole time.

Glad i wasnt free snaking.....

Weapon of Mind Destruction

2006-09-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I confess......I am actually Osama Bin Laden.....................

Uncle Mushroom's Hangover Cure

2006-09-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

I McShit you not - now available in McChicken and Fillet ohhh Fish........

Snakes on Planes

2006-09-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

(NOT FOR SENSITIVE STOMACHS)

The Snakes on a Plane marketing hype is already famously bigger than the movie itself.

What the studio & the producers have tried to keep a tightly guarded secretis the fact the movie is based on a real life incident from sometime in2003; and that this ridiculous movie nearly didn't make it to the bigscreen because of the sensitive nature of the ongoing investigation.

These previously unreleased pictures, which the movie is apparently based on, show a cargo plane being over run by actual snakes.

The report notesthat the freighter was not far from manila at the time.

If you thought the movie was a stretch you'll find this just plane disturbing!

Why We Arent Getting Married?

2006-09-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

From the back of a beer coaster:

"In ancient Babylon, a bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink for the month after the wedding. As mead is a honey beer and their calendar was based on a lunar year, this period became known as the 'honeymoon'."

And they wonder why men have committment troubles these days, just bring back the free beer....

Siphon the Python

2006-09-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

A 4.2-metre pet python crushed its owner to death, authorities said after finding the snake loose in a southern Indiana shed with the man's body.

Patrick Von Allmen, 23, was found last night in the shed near Lanesville, about 25 kilometres west of Louisville, Kentucky.

A medical examiner determined that the death was consistent with asphyxiation caused by compression of the neck and chest, said Conservation Officer Mark Farmer.

"When you're dealing with a wild animal species, you take on a certain amount of risk," he said.
Von Allmen had told family members he was going to treat the snake for a medical condition, Farmer said.

He was alone in the shed with the python for about three hours before his body was found.

Next time i go to the toilet i am gunna be much more careful........

Food for thought..

2006-08-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

If you were out late one night and really really stoned and everything was closed and the only thing you could munch down happened to be the edible underwear you were wearing would you eat it?

Guess who's back, mushrooms back...

2006-08-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

To the lady on Victoria Road earlier this week that decided that it would be wise to wee in their lunch box before getting on the bus, I thank you.

Ever since this incident I feel like i have undergone some sort of personal rennaissance of sorts. The details were brilliant, the fact that people were crowded around you oblivious to the fact that you had just pulled down you pants and were rummaging around in your bag for something. The fact that when the bus showed up you were midstream and decided to jettison said urine from lunchbox onto adjacent office window......I know there is a desk right there too. I dont know how you made it onto the bus with that lunch box but here's to you.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would witness such a spectacle on my journey from the building, normally its the same mundane routine. You see routine bores me, I like the unexpected to happen. It makes my day.

I was feeling beaten down by the oppression of responsibility and repetitiveness and then BANG you showed me that it can happen. You see anything can and will happen and it is only limited by our limited ability to conjur the unthinkable. The possibilities are in fact BOUNDLESS.

Piss lady, thankyou and good luck with your journey.

Donkey Boy?

2006-08-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

Around the world, as you read this, scientist are involved in ground breaking research unlocking the keys to our very nature and existence. For years Dr David Mitchell has been hacking away at the unknowns about...um...snicker.....penis size. Here's some of his findings:

"The curious thing about our society, most of the time we pretend that the penis doesn't shrink," says David Mitchell, a doctor and a medical anthropologist. "In fact, the penis doesn't have a set flaccid size. It's actually meaningless to measure the size of the penis because it varies from minute to minute according to the temperature and one's state of mind. The trouble is, if you get anxious, it only makes it smaller, to the point where it can disappear … in cases where anxiety spirals into a panic attack."

Dr Mitchell has researched a recent outbreak of these attacks — known as "shrinking penis disease" — on the Indonesian island of Flores, where black magic is widely practised. In these instances, the sufferer believes he will die if his penis disappears. The last outbreak in a modern society occurred in Singapore in 1962, following a rumour that eating pork vaccinated against swine fever would cause shrinking penis disease.

"There were people rushing through the streets holding their penises … some of them using chopsticks," Dr Mitchell says. "As soon as they hit the hospital and started to relax, they came back to normal."

Yeh so guys, if you are worried about your length or girth, DONT! It will shrivel up, disappear and you will DIE.

You heard it first here on STIYPASI..........

Identiskitz

2006-08-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

"Police have released an image of a man wanted after a cigarette was stubbed near the eye of a toddler in a Sydney street"

Does anyone actually look like the people that you see in these police identikits? Speak now or forever be um nasty looking........

'Software' Announcement

2006-07-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

Stoners Thoughts No 3.

2006-07-26T15:04:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of scare stories out there about the ultimate apocolypse of the world being brought about though war, religion, global warming etc. People tend to buy in based on their preferred flavour of dogma. But what if the end of the world doesnt so much come about as a bang, but rather a whimper?

Its common knowledge that fertility rates in the western world have been declining for quite some time. We are fatter (and good at justifying it), more stressed and ingest a heap more chemicals than we are sposed to. We are wealthier, which seems to be the biggest problem, which makes us unhealthier, makes contraception and abortion easier to access and we are more self centred. The list goes on and on and on................

So maybe rather than the world ending with a bang we just fade away, not able to replace ourselves at a rate to stop population decline. Well I sure wish that some sociological groups would.

What not to wear

2006-07-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction on the weekend. You see I am the extremely proud owner of a McShit T-shirt. The McShit shirt is up there with other alltime classics like the 'addihash', 'weedbok' and the classic 'Bill and Ben the flower pot men (and a little weed)' series.

Now I am not a complete nazi when it comes to maccas, sure they degrade the rainforest and exploit kids etc. But my real reason for not liking it is that the food is only digestable when drunk and the place is full of fat fuck 'low socio economics' and their snot nosed kids.

So anyway, on the weekend I am coming back from somewhere in the Gaba (Great Australian Bugger All) and the only place for a 'pit stop' is a highway maccas. And having two girls in the car you need to make a number of these pit stops. Apparently contrary to popular belief they are not two humped camels.

So the girls are in the dunny doing their McShit and I am sitting down inside confirming my suspicions that the place would be full of fat low breeds when i casually notice that people are looking at me. At first I put it down to stoned paranoia, but then realise that most of the restaurant is lookin at me.

I then realised that I had chosen to wear my McShit shirt that day.........

Local gets ripped

2006-07-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

This from the Sydney Morning Herald:

"An inner-western Sydney pub has been held up by a gang of armed men in the early hours of this morning.
Three masked men, one with a firearm and one with a knife entered the hotel on Marion Street, Leichhardt at about 1.15am (AEST), ordering staff and patrons to the ground.
Police said the offenders then forced their way into the rear office, stealing the contents of two cash registers and a staff member's handbag but were unable to gain access to the safes.
The men then fled in a stolen silver-coloured Subaru WRX being driven by a fourth person."

Well this pub seems to get robbed all the time by 'men of middle eastern appearance' in a WRX. Usually it seems to happen just after I leave. Its starting to get a bit suspect for me, my timing being impeccable.

But this time I have a solid alibi, I was at home with my bong and a Papa Guiseppe double pizza pack.