Endangered Species Need Your Support

For many years their sub culture was derided and as a shocking consequence their numbers have declined to dangerous levels. It seems like just yesterday they were in every suburb with their representatives proud and defiant of their appearance and lot in life. Recent studies have highlighted that their plight is at this very moment, desperate.

The name given to these socio-economic slackers varies. Bogans, bevans, westies, rednecks, white trash and chavs. The may wear different flannel, but all are descendants from the same tribe which can trace its roots back to the very begginings of society.

Nowadays they are rarely seen in inner city areas, their absence rarely noted. Ask yourself, when was the last time you saw a HQ panelvan with ACDC blaring out of it doing laps of your main street?

The decline of their species can be linked to the rapid urban renewal that has been forced upon many of their traditional habitats. In fact, the primary reason for their decline is strongly linked to a reduction in suitable habitat.

After an extensive study of remote bogan communities and a limited tag and release program, essential factors for their existence have been identified. It appears that in order for the bogan to survive, the following is necessary:

1. Substantial wrecking yards providing all panels and parts for 1971- 1979 Series Holden Kingswood and the VB-VN series of commodore.
2. VB cans. Not those bottled variety, the tend to injure each other with these and it rumoured that without the cans they do not get enough essential metal minerals in their diet.
3. Cheap housing with no plants in the front yard. Most bogans will keep a number of partially wrecked cars in their front yards, without this space they could not keep the torana going.
4. Free and ready supply of pluggers. The chosen footwear for the bogan has always been the rubber thong. Recent observations have noted that they have adapted to colder climates by wearing football socks with their beloved thongs.
5. A Centrelink. As most are employees of the state it is essential that a 'centrelink teller' is nearby.
6. Specialist hairdressing 'salons'. Contrary to popular belief a good mullet is hard to come by. Therefore specialists hairdressers (known as shazzas) are required to keep the top short and the back long. This assists with minor mechanical repairs to the Camira by stopping hair getting sucked into the fan belt.
7. A tattoo parlour. No self respecting bogan can survive their teens without becoming initiated with a few faded blue green splodges resembling either a sailors anchor, a dagger with a snake around it or a skull.

With protection of these basic essentials, I am certain that the decline of bogans in existing areas can be stopped. Next we have to encourage bogan culture back to areas where they are now extinct.

A number of Local Councils have started an initiative that has seen scores of boganfolk reappearing in my lovely suburb of Leichhardt. So next Council cleanup day, put as much broken furniture and rubbish on the footpath and sit back just out of view and wait for their return.