Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Ode to Lycra


Lycra, lets face it - it seems to be everywhere these days. It appears that its meteoric rise in modern society has outpaced perhaps the pragmatic need to regulate its use......after all it can be quite a dangerous little commodity in the wrong hands. We've all seen it and been witnesses to the aesthetic abuse this material can inflict.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go so far as to legislate, over regulate or even ban the use of lycra through our legal system. Clearly that would be going to far, however I do think that manufacturers, retailers and end users of this product owe us a duty of care to use it in a manner that does not adversely affect others' quality of life.....

In order to satisfy the requirements of all stakeholders, whilst protecting ones rights to use this material in a safe and practical manner, we at STIYPASI would like your assistance in the drafting of an industry code of conduct for the safe and socially responsible use of lycra. I have had a stab at a few preliminary clauses:

  1. Where possible lycra shall be worn with shorts over the top.
  2. Lycra is not suitable work attire, EVER.
  3. Manufacturing of lycra in larger sizes shall be banned.
  4. Fines shall apply to all caught wearing lycra, without shorts over the top, found further than 2m from a bicycle.
  5. Multi coloured lycra will only be available for professional sporting events.
  6. Cafes will now introduce a lycra ban to stop those sweaty fat fucks that like to sit on Norton Street on saturday morning after a ride.....yes this is personal bitches, i cant digest my food because you make me sick.

You assistance in drafting this code will be greatly appreciated - STIYPASI management.

31 Comments:

  • All those planning to buy lycra must be measured by a professional, and meet all set standards for lycra wear.

    Oh yea... wear underwear... gross.

    By Blogger essa, at 9:48 PM  

  • One of the grossest examples of lycra abuse that I ever saw was a woman, a good size 20, bent over to fix her shoe in a Bathurst shopping centre. She wore white lycra bike tights (which had gone all thin and manky) and underneath knickers festooned with yellow stars. It was a veritable galaxy across that butt. Shudder.

    By Blogger Georgia, at 1:07 AM  

  • haaaaaaaaaa georgia. Thats hilarious.

    By Blogger Ms Smack, at 1:29 AM  

  • Thou shalt not wear leggings particularly those made of lycra as a substitute for pants/skirts/jeans/shorts whilst wearing a short top. Ewww. Why am I seeing this everywhere I go? Damn you Supre. Damn you.

    By Blogger MissShroom, at 1:29 AM  

  • Good look. Bike shorts are GAY. Unless, of course, you're actually riding a bike.

    By Blogger welcome to wallyworld, at 3:52 AM  

  • "Manufacturing of lycra in larger sizes shall be banned." And... squeezing into a smaller size will cause the lycra to rip on contact with the skin.

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, at 5:13 AM  

  • And bogans shouldn't be allowed to wear it. At all. Regardless of bike use or not. They can be nasty.

    By Blogger evil genius, at 5:33 AM  

  • Every teen should attend a heavy skin lycra party to deterrence future usage :)

    By Blogger Mone, at 5:49 AM  

  • Good post--any fabric that has the word, "lie" in it can't be trusted.

    The only fabric more reprehensible is Naugahyde, which is really cruel to the Naugas, if you ask me.

    By Blogger Zen Wizard, at 9:07 AM  

  • there are so many unreasonable flaws in your argument Mushy.

    "Fines shall apply to all caught wearing lycra, without shorts over the top, found further than 2m from a bicycle"

    what about the triathletes????

    By Blogger Mex, at 5:49 PM  

  • And let's not forget lycra swimwear, old son...

    By Blogger Mountjoy, at 5:56 PM  

  • essa - would you like to be on the focus group?

    georgia - if she was showing some 'coin slot' she would have been stars and stripes

    ms smack - nice eyes as usual ;-p

    missshroom - they should hand out fines for that

    wally - very GAY, not that there's anything wrong with that...only the bike shorts.

    evil dude - bogans havent been sighted round these here parts since HQ holden parts dissapeared...havent seen one 'for wrecking' in years

    mone - i like you social education approach

    zen - i googled that shit, WTF???? I'm sure its a bit to sweaty for summer but would love a suit made from it.....or at least a cod piece

    mex - it is unfortunate that some have to suffer because of the misuse of others...

    mountie - dude, please dont tell me you wear dick stickers to the beach, please!

    By Blogger mushroom, at 6:55 PM  

  • I'll sign that petition.
    That dude on the bike must have let rip some supersonic fart!

    I'm impressed.

    By Blogger Steph, at 4:41 AM  

  • Oh, men of the small penis should at least pretend to have a larger package by shoving a sock down their lycra pants, so we aren't subjet to staring at their lack of dick...

    By Blogger Original Mel, at 5:10 AM  

  • Why - THANKYOU - Mushroom.

    By Blogger Ms Smack, at 7:06 AM  

  • Lycra is nice, but would never part with my spandex-
    it's a nostaglia thing.

    By Blogger Polyman3, at 9:24 AM  

  • He brings an all new meaning to the phrase 'don't drop the soap'. I dunno... this guy could be starting up a major trend. How hot would that look be on the catwalk?

    By Blogger Alice, at 3:24 PM  

  • Looks like he had a "blowout"! hahah

    By Blogger JLee, at 12:18 PM  

  • I reckon all Hare Krishna should wear orange lycra and all nuns should wear black lycra.

    By Blogger Tickersoid, at 12:43 PM  

  • great post dude. Lots of substance.

    By Blogger Bostick, at 4:38 PM  

  • I'll be on the focus group.... just so long as I'm not forced to focus on this guys ass any longer!

    By Blogger essa, at 9:26 PM  

  • I'm getting sick of that ring winking at me, mate. Think you could post something new?

    By Blogger welcome to wallyworld, at 1:01 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger welcome to wallyworld, at 1:01 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger fingers, at 4:01 PM  

  • Hey...when did this post appear.
    Fucking shitty update whatchamacallit...

    By Blogger fingers, at 4:03 PM  

  • Did youse ever see the weightlifter with the lycra blowout...looked nasty.

    By Blogger rackorf, at 3:11 AM  

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