Ode to Lycra
Lycra, lets face it - it seems to be everywhere these days. It appears that its meteoric rise in modern society has outpaced perhaps the pragmatic need to regulate its use......after all it can be quite a dangerous little commodity in the wrong hands. We've all seen it and been witnesses to the aesthetic abuse this material can inflict.
Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go so far as to legislate, over regulate or even ban the use of lycra through our legal system. Clearly that would be going to far, however I do think that manufacturers, retailers and end users of this product owe us a duty of care to use it in a manner that does not adversely affect others' quality of life.....
In order to satisfy the requirements of all stakeholders, whilst protecting ones rights to use this material in a safe and practical manner, we at STIYPASI would like your assistance in the drafting of an industry code of conduct for the safe and socially responsible use of lycra. I have had a stab at a few preliminary clauses:
- Where possible lycra shall be worn with shorts over the top.
- Lycra is not suitable work attire, EVER.
- Manufacturing of lycra in larger sizes shall be banned.
- Fines shall apply to all caught wearing lycra, without shorts over the top, found further than 2m from a bicycle.
- Multi coloured lycra will only be available for professional sporting events.
- Cafes will now introduce a lycra ban to stop those sweaty fat fucks that like to sit on Norton Street on saturday morning after a ride.....yes this is personal bitches, i cant digest my food because you make me sick.
You assistance in drafting this code will be greatly appreciated - STIYPASI management.