Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

Tuesday, October 10, 2006



Just thought i'd share something really special with you people....

I love nothing more than to go for a run after work, in fact i love flogging myself running. Nothing feels better than to get home afterwards and bring the mind down the same flogged level. I know i am a sick sado-maso weirdo, but hey - whatever floats your boat right?

Anyway, the downside to all this running is that certain bits of the body rub together and cause a nasty little bit of chafe......aka saddle rash or 'john wayne' (howdy partner).

In this day and age, i decided that chemists must surely have something to help me with my predicament. So after some hesitation I finally plucked up the courage to visit the chemist over the road from work.

I was hoping no one that i knew would be in there, unfortunately the place was filled with familiar faces of those people you see around work and really only ever say 'Hi" to. After what seemed like an eternity, my place came at the counter. Sheepishly and quietly i explained my predicament to the pharmacist, hoping he would realise that discretion would be appreciated. This was not to be, and he bellowed the fatal "i've got just the thing for your nasty rash" at the top of his lungs and proceeded to the vaseline section. Then proudly he held aloft, for all to see, a giant jar of oozing and lovely petroleum jelly. By now all eyes were curiously on him and myself.

Just when I thougt it couldnt get any worse, with a full audience, he proceeded to demonstrate how to apply said vaseline to between ones legs.

So, if you saw a bloke shame facedly buying vaseline from the chemist the other day.....YES I LIKE TO PURCHASE VASELINE TO APPLY BETWEEN MY LEGS TO RELIEVE AN AFFLICTION RELATED TO SOMETHING I ENJOY.

That is all, you may snicker behind my back............

30 Comments:

  • An ex bf used to do that... and he was proud of telling the story!

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, at 3:33 AM  

  • Be out and proud, Mushie! And give KY warming gel a go too... No more of that peel-me-off-the-ceiling sensation from cold KY...

    By Blogger Georgia, at 5:37 AM  

  • http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/

    What you need

    By Blogger Bostick, at 8:16 AM  

  • Oh dear! Why don't you just wear spandex under your shorts?

    By Blogger essa, at 8:59 AM  

  • hahahaha...better not ask advice if you get hemmorhoids. (I have no idea if I spelled that right)

    By Blogger JLee, at 12:00 PM  

  • He actually did you a favor saying, "nasty rash."

    There's some worse stuff that it could be used for: Don't think "John Wayne," think "Anthony Quinn on top of Alan Bates in Zorba the Greek."

    By Blogger Zen Wizard, at 2:19 PM  

  • Shroom, those clever Japanese even have a word for that nasty heat-related friction rash; matazure.
    My golf bag always contained a tube of matazure-cream in Tokyo.
    They even had little cubicles around the course so myself and my fellow sufferers could re-apply in private...

    By Blogger fingers, at 4:26 PM  

  • I prefer to snigger in your face if that's ok.

    Baahahahahahah!!

    My brother uses corn powder or curash baby powder. He's into long distance running and knows of your affliction.

    By Blogger Steph, at 7:26 PM  

  • i cant believe you embarassed yourself by going to the chemist with this question... i thought EVERYONE knew about this...

    and i only know from my days of chasing triathletes. imagine the chafe of running post swim... eww!

    By Blogger Mex, at 10:52 PM  

  • *snickers*

    By Blogger lady miss marquise, at 12:46 AM  

  • You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of & I'm not larfing.......honestly.......!
    I've heard of guys using Caneston (vaginal cream for thrush) when they can't get stuff for athletes foot. If it stops the itching, what the hell?

    By Blogger Jin, at 3:01 AM  

  • haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhaha

    Would have been less embarassing to ask a mate, or your mum, mushy.

    By Blogger Ms Smack, at 3:01 AM  

  • Yeah, it could have been worse. Could have been a hell of a lot better though. I think chemists get a certain amount of pleasure doing this kind of shit to people. I guess you can't blame them for trying to spice up what must be a rather disgruntled existence.

    By Blogger Odly Amore, at 4:41 AM  

  • The unspoken tragedy of chafing is the post-chafe-addiction.
    Not unlike the morphine disasters in Vietnam.
    It's been 6 years since my last chafing attack yet I'm still putting that cream on my thighs every day.
    The horror...

    By Blogger fingers, at 4:11 PM  

  • About time you lads got something uncomfortable and embarassing - lordy knows, us stronger women have been putting up with similar shit for years!

    By Blogger Ms Smack, at 6:12 AM  

  • Chafing is a big problem
    now-a-days.

    By Blogger Polyman3, at 11:52 AM  

  • I just find it amusing that you mention "in fact i love flogging myself" in conjunction with a story on Vaseline. They just go hand in ...eherm... hand? Dont they?

    By Blogger MissShroom, at 3:33 PM  

  • 'About time you lads got something uncomfortable and embarassing...'

    I did.
    But she left me 7 years ago...

    By Blogger fingers, at 3:57 PM  

  • hehe

    By Blogger Ms Smack, at 4:45 PM  

  • Cbabe - loud AND proud eh?

    Georgia - I might start a support group?

    bostick - antimonketbutt, who would have ever expected that combo of words

    essa - spandex was part of the problem

    jlee - it might be easier to amputate my butt cheeks

    zen dude - think "Anthony Quinn on top of Alan Bates in Zorba the Greek." Um i dont know what to say lol

    Fingers - perhaps creating a word for it is half way to solving the problem?

    steph - respect my authoritor

    mex - i had heard rumours but just thought "it cant be?". Are there any legit uses for vasso?

    LMM - thanks *blushes*

    Jin - i should have posted before i went to the chemist

    Ms Smack - um mum, i've got this rash.....

    Odly - i'm sure they aim to embarass....i bet he has crabs or some other nasty secret

    misshhroom - you're the only one who noticed

    By Blogger mushroom, at 8:52 PM  

  • You could have avoided the embarrasing nasty rash senario... by insinuating it was for anal related pleasure :D

    By Blogger Alice, at 10:48 PM  

  • There is no need to be ashamed!
    Let it out and be proud, ha! :)

    By Blogger Mone, at 5:50 AM  

  • Next time tell him you want something to stop corrosion of your car battery terminals.

    By Blogger Tickersoid, at 7:15 AM  

  • I run during lunch. I have no skin on the inside of either one of my thighs because I refuse to go to the pharmacist/chemist and buy some Vaseline. It is far more manly to run along with blood pouring down my legs and to walk like a man with testicular cancer for the entire rest of the day than to wipe ones groin with Vaseline.

    Although it was quite a good idea and I may secretly try it. But don't tell anyone.

    By Blogger Memphis Steve, at 3:39 PM  

  • I think he said, "Zorba, I am forever greatful. You taught me there was a life outside of books and the classroom."

    By Blogger Zen Wizard, at 9:07 AM  

  • you can buy a undie-shaped slow-release lubricated sachet from Nesttle . " breast is best, but joggers detest, the constant and grinding effects" .

    By Blogger traydawg, at 11:51 PM  

  • sigh. do i have to tell you everything?

    1. stop running
    2. commmence vigorous wanking
    3. apply the vaseline

    result? equal embarrassmnet but heaps more orgasms.

    you're welcome....

    By Blogger jungle jane, at 3:25 PM  

  • Très drole. Reminds me of an arsehole flatmate who used to keep a Giant-Sized jar of moisturiser under his bed for you know what. He did the wrong thing by me so I moved out and left the jar on top of his VCR and left it playing hard-core Porn at Full Volume with the "Repeat" button selected so the neighbours would hopefully have to get the Cops to break in and turn it off. Have some of that!

    By Blogger welcome to wallyworld, at 1:12 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger Skanky Jane, at 9:27 PM  

  • Have you tried 3B?

    By Blogger Enny, at 5:34 PM  

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