The 7 Visible Signs of Aging

Too many 'free radicals' can age you prematurely


I'm pushing the big hawaii three-oh this year and as such have started to notice the multitude of advertising aimed at us old bastards, and surprisingly and increasingly at blokes. Apparently Oil of Ogay have come up with a product that can fight the seven signs of aging. And to think that I thought there was only one, getting older??!!

Well here it is, the seven signs of aging:

1. An increase in nasal follicle activity. I remember fondly the first time I had to trim them but am now seriously considering dreadlocking them or buying a nose trellis.
2. Spare tyres. Who says these are just for cars? Never know when you'll get a flat eh.
3. Receding hair lines. I like to think of this as more of a 'hair exchange program', nothing like the life skills that temple hair can get by spending some time on your back or belly button. The trouble seems to be they always overstay their visa.
4. School kids relinquish their seats on the bus. OMG, do I look like a fucking cripple you little turdface?
5. I dont get asked for ID at pubs and clubs anymore. I put this down to the relative level of fame that I have achieved over the years.
6. Sick days at work are only taken when you physically cant get to work. And to think when I started working I would schedule one in every 1.5 months to the day.
7. Increasing pressure from relatives to marry and breed. Godamn, I moved to Sydney to get away from you and your pressures. One more word and I swear I will cut off my testicles and mutilate my face. Lets see it happen then eh?

In fact, I've really just gotten started. There must be heaps more than 7 signs. Over to you now, got any more??