Adopt A Road

Ever seen one of these lovely little signs. Well I sure have and I think they are just super! I've always wondered why everyone who adopts a roads seems to do perfectly nerdy things with them like cleaning up litter. With the new focus on fixing NSW's transport infrastructure I'm actually keen to jump on the bandwagon and secure a public asset of my very own. Hmmmm what to do with said road:

1. Set up my own e-tag toll road and wait for the moolah to start rolling by
2. Cordon it off and hold my own Mardi Gras
3. Play frogger
4. Find out what happened when the chicken crosses it
5. Get one with a bridge and get my very own troll
6. Dig a punji stake pit and cover it over

Any ideas? I am currently canvassing for potential business partners.........

Fatty Boomsticks

"I once ate a horse.....really!"


I confess, I have been watching snippets of the weight loss reality TV show Australia's Biggest Loser. I dunno what it is, but there is something mildly interesting in watching these fatties battle it out to lose the most of themselves and help themselves to $200k in moolah. Maybe it is the voyeuristic pleasure of watching fatties atone for their culinary sins, or the fact that they seem to cry every other second of the program. These people were big as the initial weigh in showed. Mostly in the over 150kgs department.

Anyway, at the end of the day they present them all on stage as their thin new selves and the only thing that crossed my mind was 'who the hell is that fat lady with the mike??'. Turns out it is the presenter, go figure?? You'd think they'd have a lollipop sized lady to rub it in huh? Well, she was big enough to be a contestant! Like chewbacca living with the ewoks on endor - IT JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSE.

Over and out..................

Teachers Pet

I was reading the SMH this morning and came across this story from seppo land about this lovely teacher above romancing with a student. And while she was on charge for sending him nude pics and videos of herself. She got 9 months for the first offence, a piddly amount compared to if a male teacher did it to a girl (or worse still a male student).

Personally i look at her and cant help but think good onya son! But having said that, what is it about society and the judicial system that seems to punish men heaps harder for the same offence? Hmmmm.........

Make Poverty History

Living in Poverty Can Be Testing.......


I went out on the lovely Sydney Harbour fishing with a friend of mine on the weekend. So much money out there, everyone seems to have a 10 million dollar house and a collection of boats to go with it. Damn my parents for not being born rich.

Anyway, whilst out on the water we manageed to catch sight of a lovely 'little' vessel similar to the one above. Plastered in big writing on the side was 'Make Poverty History', which apparently was the name of this beaut status symbol.

Talk about hipocritical huh? Well maybe not, poverty had obviously been made history for that particular family.

The Year My Seal Broke

"Owt Owt Owt"

No my canadian friend, this article is not about you but you may have experienced this? For decades booze scientists have referred to this abnormal phenomena as breaking the seal or fatal first piss (FFP). I'm sure we've all experienced it, your out for a night on the booze and have put away 6 or so drinks and decide to trot off to shake hands with the casually employed. Then next thing you know, you're doing it every drink!

What gives with it? Is there a cure or some way of managing this curious problem? I put it out there to the scientific community to help me. And make it quick, its a long weekend this weekend and with long urinal queues expected I'm gunna need some help...........

Cold Spoontacular.............

Maybe Uri Geller could bend it back down?

Ever heard of a cold spoon being used to, um..... er....... well reduce male appetite for the fairer sex?? I'm sure you have you pervert! Well like most, I have heard of it but never really thought about the mechanics of the whole process. Until now, when I have nothing else to post on this blog.

So I did a bit of research on the net and to my astonishment there was nothing! Not even on my trusty friend wikipedia! So where exactly has this saying/urban myth come from? How does it work? Lifes big questions examined daily on this hard hitting blog, but, today no answers...................thats where you the reader comes in.

I need help (snigger), how does it work?? I dont care if you dunno, just have a half assed guessed. We'll get to the bottom of this.

OK, just so you dont get all self conscious I'll even start with the theorising. It definitely doesn't relate to the type of spoon below, as even in the cold I'm sure this produced the opposite effect:

I'll even donate a spoon to the best guess, but you'll have to cool it yaself you pervert...........

Chic Ho Rolls

"Chicken Licken Good?"

OH MY GOD. How long has it been since you've seen or tasted one of these suckers? I thought maybe they had become extinct or something but lo and behold i saw someone in the orifice chowing down on one of these babies for lunch. In terms of culinary quality you'd have to put them in the same ranks as the good ole fisho's dim sum? Also include the battered sav for good measure.

But really, the question of importance one must ask is 'what the hell is really in a chiko roll?'. Well i asked the dude eating it and all i got was a mumbled 'fucks me?'. Really i cant help myself, i had to investigate.........here is a pic of the insides of one of these little babies:

What is the sound of one hand clapping? And WTF is in a chiko roll?

Any guesses? I can verify that there is carrot, cabbage and other UFO's (Unidentified Food Objects). I spose that the Chik in chiko has to be referring to some finger licken chicken by product? ahhhh............food for thought isnt it?

Mother superior jumped the gun..........

Happiness is a warm gun

Happiness is a warm gun

When I hold you in my arms

And I feel my finger on your trigger

I know no one can do me no harm

Because happiness is a warm gun

Yes it is.

You see, I've never been a fan of killing people just killing time. OK I confess, I may have roasted a few ants with a magnifying glass as a kid. But in my trawls of the seedy underbelling of the internet I may just have come across the cure for war and other gun related violence. Imagine if every gun came equipped with one of these huh? Natures own safety trigger, it has to be smoked before you can pull the real trigger. I gotsta patent this sucker before peace loving hippies the world over get onto it and make themselves a fortune off it (and turn themselves into yuppies).

Nothing here and plenty of it...........

Well that started with a bang huh? I didnt even have to write anything to receive sympathy posts from you people. I might just keep it going with more posts about nothing.

You see eventually, nothing WILL send you mad. I have proof right here.

Sensory deprivation - Looks like bondage but not as fun?

So keep coming back, this place is like a sensory deprivation blog lets face it.

Um testing, testing hello....over.??!!??