That Foamy Ole Dome

Mandatory OH&S requirement

Humans are a fascinating creature, descended from single cell in and out creatures we have evolved into the highly specialised species that we are today (Homus peopleus). One of the key traits to our survival and dominance in such variable environments is the ability to create tools necessary for survival.

May i point you now to the obvious genius of the invention above, the foam dome. Sure we invented the wheel and then some point later we invented beer but surely this little invention takes the cake. Not only do you not have to hold two beers, but you can fit two beers into the one mouth. Now that is evolution Mr Darwin.

I'm A Stadium Rock Star!

The Usual Crowd of STIYPASI lurkers................................

I never realised how many people from all over the 'sphere actually read this blog. Up til now i thought it was just a couple of my mates and the odd cross dressing serial killer (dont leave, we do need you here cuthbert).

Then i was urged by one of my nosier friends (you know who you are without hyperlinking) to get a site meter attached to this page. Well my lord. Apart from a few of you being quite obsessive compulsive i found a number of other lurkers from over the world and even my beloved Leichhardt logging on. Go on, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the site meter. It'll blow ya mind who looks at me while i'm getting changed.

To all you lurkers, even though you are invisible i need you. I wouldnt be able to be a exhibitionist without you voyeurs. But please, leave me a comment. Freak me out. Be nasty, be nice but for fucks sake dont be silent. I may even follow you back to your blogs or accept an email to ryans_mailbox_is@hotmail.com.

Wow, now that is game huh? Or just plain stoopid.......................

Mushy's Believe it, OR NOT!

Mushroom asks of banana peels - slippery or not??

I've decided to go all myth busting for this piece, cos you know i like to tackle the big issues on this blog. As these lovely little fruit wrappers slippery or not?? Well if you would believe numerous cartoons that have covered the topic in their own light hearted manner you'd say YES! But really, have any of you out there ever known of anyone who has actually tripped on a banana peel? Well i for one havent.

In the interests of science, i purchased an overprived cavendish banana today and attempted to debunk this myth. I placed it on the ground and in my lovely slippery designer shoes attempted to slip and slide on the the peel til i crashed down on my ass. After serveral attempts I can assure you that while banana peels may appear slippery, they are definitely NOT! So there you have it, cutting edge science on a bullshit blog. Bye for now........

Shrinkage

Right, we've all suffered from this phenomena at some point in time. Normally it wouldnt be an issue, yeh if only i wasnt caught in the change room/naked in front of a hot girl etc etc. I know men dont like to workshop their issues as much as women do, but I would seriously like my blog to become a forum for us men to openly and frankly discuss them.

Dont be ashamed of shrinkage guys, its not a true reflection of the man you are! There are ways to overcome this terrible, terrible occurrence. We just need to share our own personal tips. So cmon guys, share away. Personally i like to give it a little 'warm up'' before leaving the ocean..........

The 7 Visible Signs of Aging

Too many 'free radicals' can age you prematurely


I'm pushing the big hawaii three-oh this year and as such have started to notice the multitude of advertising aimed at us old bastards, and surprisingly and increasingly at blokes. Apparently Oil of Ogay have come up with a product that can fight the seven signs of aging. And to think that I thought there was only one, getting older??!!

Well here it is, the seven signs of aging:

1. An increase in nasal follicle activity. I remember fondly the first time I had to trim them but am now seriously considering dreadlocking them or buying a nose trellis.
2. Spare tyres. Who says these are just for cars? Never know when you'll get a flat eh.
3. Receding hair lines. I like to think of this as more of a 'hair exchange program', nothing like the life skills that temple hair can get by spending some time on your back or belly button. The trouble seems to be they always overstay their visa.
4. School kids relinquish their seats on the bus. OMG, do I look like a fucking cripple you little turdface?
5. I dont get asked for ID at pubs and clubs anymore. I put this down to the relative level of fame that I have achieved over the years.
6. Sick days at work are only taken when you physically cant get to work. And to think when I started working I would schedule one in every 1.5 months to the day.
7. Increasing pressure from relatives to marry and breed. Godamn, I moved to Sydney to get away from you and your pressures. One more word and I swear I will cut off my testicles and mutilate my face. Lets see it happen then eh?

In fact, I've really just gotten started. There must be heaps more than 7 signs. Over to you now, got any more??

Red Hair, Bad Luck. Red Pubes, No F@#$

Only your dog should be called Blue


Now let me just say that I am confining this topic purely to guys, and that it has nothing to do with girls that have recently dyed their hair red. Why is it that the poor little red haired freckly kid always cops it? They are cute as the snotty nosed kids on ads but really any older than 12 and they are seen as some sort of genetic nightmare. In fact, there are lots of us out there that argue that this hideous gene should be removed from the genetic pool entirely. Maybe if people just followed the title of this article, Darwinian controls would assert themselves and those freckly beasts would disappear forever.

Well no apparently. Some of us seem to be carrying this horrible gene, laying dormant within our genetic makeup until we shag someone else who also has the dormant gene. This never crossed my mind, until I decided to grow a bit of a beard of late. To my horror, I noticed in certain lighting I may be harbouring a minor rednut gene dormant somewhere whithin my lower cranial genetic material.

Therefore, in the interests of humanity I promise never to breed in an attempt to rid the planet of this scourge. Its not an entirely selfish thing, think of those poor kiddies destined to be teased and 40yo virgins. It cant be fun. I guess sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind...............

Well FCUK Moi!

Well there you have it, and I remember thinking FCUK was slightly amusing when it first came out (and until every fuckwit started wearing it) but little did I know that it might be un-pc to those dodos that read stuff spelt the wrong way.

Dressing Mutton as Lamb

Well we have all heard the saying right? Dressing up mutton as lamb. Well for starters, what the hell is mutton anyway? So I asked a kiwi mate because if anyone had cause to dress something up as a sheep it would be them. Ahhh I see, mutton is actually a bird:















Right, so now the obvious question is: How the fuck do you dress up mutton to look like this:



Well???? Any takers?

Easy Peasy Japanesy

'Last stop before slumbersville, alll aboaarrrddd!'

Here is another great invention by those innovative little japanese folk. What with the long train rides I'm sure they have to endure to get home to their little shoe boxes this may really come in handy catching up on some sleep after their 14hr day in the orifice. All great in theory perhaps?? But arent those little fellas known for groping their lovely and sweet small beautiful women on the trains? I have a mate who lived over there who is probably the same height as them, maybe he can enlighten us as to the groping. Anyway my question is, if they really are as gropey and pervy on the trains as I have heard, isnt inventing a device that lets you sleep whilst holding your head at crotch height a little dangerous??

Unhealthy Body Images

Freddie Ljungberg - Every Tom, Dick and Harry?

There has been a lot of talk over the years about 'unhealthy body images', especially amongst the female modelling community. I for one never expected it to really become an issue for men until I found myself approaching 30. Now none of the *snicker* male fashion mags I flip through have men with bodies like mine. This is clearly very dangerous and unhealthy. I would like to start a movement (support me here guys and gals) to push for more healthy male images to be mixed in with the clearly unhealthy example above. I will start with a 'plus size' modelling agency for men. The bloke below is clearly more natural and will form a template for future applicants:

A more 'healthy' male body image

You see, I really find it dangerous and disturbing that millions of young men all over Australia force themselves to eat fresh fruit and vegetables and visit the gym regularly all to emulate the 'unnatural' body images of male models. Clearly a healthy male would be more accustomed to BBQ's, beer, armchair sports and a more rounded physique?